Blog # 100 From Depression to Inspiration

Blog Post # 100.

What a journey this has been for me. When I started, I wanted to get back into writing, a hobby I've always enjoyed, but in the last number of years, I have ignored. I wanted to write something everyday. I think I have missed 15 days, and that is usually related to working three 12-hr night shifts in a row. Somehow sleep becomes priority and although I tried writing some of those days, it usually ended up on a scrap pile. You want to talk about random...but that's another post.

For me, the best part about this journey is what it has done for me spiritually, emotionally and socially.
So here goes...

For eight years, I was being treated with medication for depression. First of all, let me just say that being treated was not a bad thing, being on medication was not a bad thing. It was necessary for the not-so-good place I was at in my life. I think I had struggled with depression and anger for many years before finally seeking help when Ryan was born. I thought that as a Christian, I should be able to "fix" the problem without any outside intervention. When things were getting worse, and I couldn't fix it, it was like a downward spiral into a pit. "I am a failure", "I'm no good to anybody", "My family would be better off if I was gone." These were the thoughts running through my head, all the time. Until I got help.

Being on medication for depression was hard for me; it was admitting that I could not make things right on my own. Worse, it felt like I wasn't trusting God to help me. I had to change the way I was thinking about depression. It is not just "in your head". It is part of a chemical process that goes on and it is a physical thing that occurs. Once I got to that point (and it took awhile!), I did so much better because the guilt I'd always felt began to go away. Not only did medication help, but I was given other tools to use to help with all the negative thinking that had become such a part of who I was. Writing things out was one of those tools. I did that for a little while but then got tired of it; why write the same thing over and over?

So, the years passed and I had good days and bad days. The last two years were mostly good days with a few "bottom of the pit" days thrown in here and there. Then January 2011 arrived and I began a fitness program through work. It involved walking (getting 10,000 steps every day), strength training, and nutrition. I logged everything I ate, and while it was difficult and challenging, I not only lost 15-20 pounds (depending on what day I stood on the scales), but I lost something else.

I found that the dark moods, the negative thinking, the sadness, had pretty much left. I gradually came off my medication and since last June, I have been medication-free. Hurrah for healthy eating and exercise. I know that it worked for me, but I also know that it may not have. And truly, that would've been okay too. If you are depressed, and need medication, then do it. I don't regret getting help when I needed it; I should have done it long before I did.

So, where does the blog fit in? I think that this kind of writing, rather than writing about my feelings all the time, is the writing that benefits me the most. Somehow, I view the world in a different way. Everything is seen from a new angle; life is exciting to me. Even the unexciting is new. I don't know how to put into words (now, that's funny) how writing this blog has helped me in ways that medication and therapy couldn't. I think about my relationship with God in a different way too. It is richer, more colorful, more vibrant.

Then there is the social aspect of a blog. I feel like I have let people into my life, that I have shared a bit of me, and the response has been good. There are people that I haven't seen for years that I have reconnected with, and there are people I see every week or everyday that are getting to know me in a new way. I love it. I love when I know I have inspired somebody else to be inspired. (Hence, the subtitle of my blog "A place to inspire me to inspire you.")

I have been inspired, I have been motivated. I have even starting writing down some characters and plot for a book. Exciting!

Today is Blog # 100. I want to celebrate! So, if you aren't an official member of my blog, sign up. Leave me a "like" or a comment on Facebook. Share the site with some friends. I will put the names into one of my hats (the one with a feather will do), and draw three out.  The winners will get, either delivered in person, or via mail, the brownies I made for Valentine's day. Oh yes, the Mocha Sinful Ones. Forget healthy eating for just a day.

Or I could put up 100 pink flamingoes in your front yard...
I'd go with the Mocha Brownies if I were you.

Love,
Dianne