Off-Key Crowing (Not to be confused with Off-Shore Rowing)

Hello Old Friend, it has been awhile. The last time I visited was February and it was snowing and cold. Today though, the sky is crayon-colored and definitely Sky Blue. While I can't exactly say it is warm warm, I am sitting in a favorite spot on the front porch without a jacket. The rooster is nearby and I am hearing his periodic off-key yet proud crows which proclaim that he is quite happy about the day.

I really think I could learn some lessons from that rooster. You know, like when I awaken in the morning, I need to rise from my tangled nest of covers and proclaim in an audible voice, "Today is a good day to be alive! Now, go forth and live!"

Lately, I've been more of a mindset to stay under the covers, burrowing deeper and not wanting to deal with whatever comes my way. I am overwhelmed by phone calls, appointments to make, appointments to keep, the to-do list that has become so long that I don't even want to start it, and taxes that were due and too much paperwork to retrieve out of thin air because of my foolishness in not backing it up and losing 1 1/2 years of work. My hair was starting to stay in a permanent stand-on-end position because I keep running my fingers through it and pulling up in frustration. I have been feeling nauseous on and off most days and the knot in the pit of my stomach just seemed to never want to go away.

I don't handle stress very well. Sometimes it is better than other times, but lately, no.

I need to go back to the basics and at the very core of it is God. When I let life take over, I let my time with God fall to the back burner and I am ashamed at how easily I let that happen. My daughter, Amy, and I were texting one evening and I admitted to her how I have been falling (and sometimes pulling) away from God. She told me to get back into the Word. I listened and I asked her to keep me accountable. Send me a text every now and then and just ask "Did you read today?" or "What did you read?".

While I have begun to get back into the Word of God, I can't say that all the stress just dissipated. In some ways, I feel it more. There is a battle going on and I need to hang on to the One who created me, who loves me even when I lose my focus, mess up, and fall down again and again.

So, I sit on my porch and I think I'm going to give it a name. I learned that my Great Grandma had a little room situated off the back of her garage that she called "The Elijah Room" and this was where she studied and read the Bible. I want to look into why she called it the Elijah Room but for now, that's what I'm calling my porch. It'll be my Elijah Room, my room (when the weather is warm) to study, reflect, renew and de-stress. And to prepare for battle.

Today, what did I read? I read in Exodus 4:10-11 where Moses was talking to God and he was telling God why he was not suited for the job God was calling him to do. God pretty much said, "Hey, Moses, who created you? Did I not make you to be the way you are? And I am not calling you for this purpose? Get your head out from under those covers, go forth and live."

Yes, I paraphrased and took a little liberty with that, but there you have it. When I am nervous, tense and anxious and feel like my role, my tasks are too big, too hard and much too much, I am not only underestimating myself, I am underestimating God. He believes in me and I have to trust that He knows what He is doing.

I may need a reminder now and then, so when you see me, just ask how I greeted my morning. Was it with an off-key, yet ready-to-face-the-day crow or with silent grumbling.

Cock-A-Doodle-Doooooooooo,
Dianne

P.S. It is good to be back.

Swiss Vs. Swill

When a menu item is described and ingredients are named, an error in spelling can make the difference between having a melty slice of Swiss cheese topping your choice of meat or having it dripping with leftover kitchen scraps more befitting a pig, otherwise known as Ham 'n Swill. Yes, spelling makes a difference. Thank you auto-correct.

We've all read the funny compilations of texts gone wrong that occur when a smart phone takes control and thinks it knows just what you want to say. The other week, for instance, I was texting Aaron trying to get a better idea on gifts for his wife Lisa-Anna. When he responded with a list of items that made sense, I was grateful. But then he ended with "...or any car-themed stuff", and I was a little mystified. With my eyebrows raised, I said aloud, "What does car-themed mean??" I mean, I think she likes her car and everything but to buy her car-themed stuff? I wasn't so sure.

Maybe he just meant that she needed an ice-scraper, an air freshener or car mats. To me, this was not a gift that said, "I love you." It said, "Car". That's it. Car.

So I replied to Aaron. "Car-themed?"
He responded. "Lol cat haha."

Yes, a letter or a few letters can totally change what is being said.

Now, back to the sandwich. That really happened. On Facebook, the sandwich of the day for a local eatery was posted with a description. Swiss was auto-corrected to Swill and suddenly the special or the day became strange. In case you've never looked it up, here's the definition:

Swill (noun): kitchen refuse and scraps of waste food mixed with water for feeding to pigs.
synonyms: pigswill, mash, slops, scraps, refuse, scourings, leftovers; archaic hogwash
"swill for the pigs"


Mmmmm. It's almost as bad as the auto-correct I once had changing "feta cheese" to "fetal cheese". Mmmmm.

(For the record, the post describing the Swill Sandwich was deleted.)

So often, I say something and it comes out wrong. Maybe not the wrong words, but words that are meant one way but come out sounding like something else. That happens a lot in my house with teasing or even just in general conversation. Someone always takes what is said either seriously or in the wrong way. A simple sigh can turn into a "I hate my life" groan without even meaning too. Feelings get hurt and sometimes the words hurt more than the sticks and stones.

I need a reminder to keep my words gentle, my tone soft, my body language nonthreatening. When discipline is needed, I want it to be effective but I don't want to resort to meanness. Just because I am tired, stressed or scared is no excuse for harshness.

Ephesians 4:29English Standard Version 29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Proverbs 16:24 English Standard Version (ESV)

24 Gracious words are like a honeycomb,

sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

Proverbs 15:1English Standard Version (ESV)

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

I don't want my words to be swill. I want to give the best to my family, my children. And if I mess up again (and I'm pretty sure I will) I'm letting my words here be my reminder. I want to be accountable. I am responsible for the words that come out of my mouth, not auto-correct. 

Love,

Dianne

A Blank Slate

A blank page. It all starts with a blank page, or a blank slate if you will.

I sit. I look at it. I randomly tap my fingers with the resulting ajdfa;djfalkdsjfa;dlsjf.  I take a sip of coffee. A blank page can be daunting. Not just blank, but lacking. To fill it with words is a task that sometimes overwhelms me. The ideas are there sometimes; it is the putting them down on paper that I get stuck at. Not because I can't put them together, but I don't want to put them together wrong. I don't want to be offensive when no offense was meant. I don't want to disappoint or not live up to even my own expectations.

I take a bite of eggs, scrambled with sausage, mushrooms, red peppers and olives.
I am easily distracted. That makes filling a blank page harder to do too. Heather needs picked up at the church after an overnight campout and Ryan wants to look at books detailing how to build a treehouse. I step away to do those important tasks. Yes, distracted. And my eggs are getting cold.

fdfskldfjkldjf;ljd. Okay. A New Year. 2015. A year with promise and possibility. A calendar that is relatively blank and here I am again, back to the blank. Not only is 2015 blank, but my every single day is. This is the time of year that all the stores target us to improve, to organize, to exercise, to eat better, move more and be " a better you!"

The thing is, I could have started all that on November 13th and I would already be a month and a half ahead of everyone else.

I found a verse this morning that I want to share. Here it is (the emphasis is my own):

Colossians 2:14-17
14 the slate wiped clean, that old arrest warrant canceled and nailed to Christ's Cross. 15 He stripped all the spiritual tyrants in the universe of their sham authority at the Cross and marched them naked through the streets. 16 So don't put up with anyone pressuring you in details of diet, worship services, or holy days. 17 All those things are mere shadows cast before what was to come; the substance is Christ.

I could, and do, get caught up in the New Year hype. I want a new start, a fresh beginning. I get so tired of the baggage of the past that I carry; that baggage that times I do put down for a season, but it always seems to find me again.

What if I believed that my old arrest warrant was cancelled? That is was nailed to the cross with Jesus. Not only is my slate wiped clean, but I am stripped naked and exposed. God sees me for who I am and He loves me. Me.

Whew.

Kinda takes my breath away.

My slate is clean. The pressure that I feel "to do", "to be" needs to be overshadowed with "the substance of Christ." Ah, now that's a goal for 2015.

My paper is no longer blank. The words are there and I pray that in some way, you hear the message. Not my message, but God's. He loves you. Whew. Take a breath and just think about that.

Have a Blessed New Year Day!

Love,
Dianne

Anniversary Harvest

We wanted to eat cake. Really we did. A wedding cake that was frozen in time so that a momentous day could be celebrated one year later. Instead, we harvested grapes and made grape juice as we stayed up way past bedtimes and then no one was hungry for wedding cake and I am not sure where the evening (or the cake) went.

I am not sure where the last year went either. A year ago today this is what we looked like, what we were doing. The day was much like today. Sunny, a little chilly, but a beautiful Fall day with friends and family. A good day, one of the best ever.

One year... 365 days...8760 hours. No matter how you look at it, the time flew by. Now the newlyweds aren't so "newly" but they are still blissfully wed. And as much as I loved the wedding day, the days since have been sweet as well. Not perfect because life gets busy, work gets in the way and sometimes the silence stretches on too long, but I look forward to the Sunday afternoons when we are all together to enjoy the laziness, the random text messages that say (although maybe not in these exact words) "I'm thinking about you", the birthday suppers, the "hey, are you at home" moments, and the "Can I stop by?"kind of days.

Yes, life goes on. Wedding days are full of promise, full of what the future holds, and hearts full to the point of overflowing. The days after have those days of crazy love, wonderful Saturdays spent together, the knowing that "goodbye" can simply be "goodnight" and the parting need not happen. Yes, life continues to be good and what the wedding day planted is now being harvested.

A year ago, we were dressed up, looking fine. Today, it is more relaxed, both in the pace and the style.

Instead of rushing to get hair styled, nails filed and makeup in place ready for smiles, I hit pause. I thought about grapes. 

I mean, its not every day that pink shoes fit the ticket and the other day, instead of setting up Morguen Toole with a vintage popcorn and candy bar, setting up table decorations and decorating the church, Lisa-Anna and I picked grapes. Another kind of harvest.

The vines were loaded. I don't think we even made a dent in what was there. Yeah, kinda like life. 

Life comes at us fully loaded. I just might make a dent. 

Did I mention that sometimes grape juice making can get a little messy? Maybe not in your house, but in my house, oh yeah. It gets ugly. All it takes is one rogue hose spraying scalding grape juice and well, you can see for yourself. But messy though it may be and even though the evening got later and later and soon it was in the wee hours of the morning, the results are worth it.

Okay, another life analogy. I can't help it. Life can get messy and ugly too sometimes. Not just in the big ways, but in the little things like bad moods, sour attitudes, harsh words that can't be erased….

Just like those hot spritzes of grape juice that spattered all over my stove. When they land on your skin, they burn. It hurts.

Now, how do I put all that together? Weddings, wonderful days, grape picking???

It's like this. Each day is given to us. Some days are for planting seeds, other days are for gathering the harvest in. Many days, it's just about letting life grow us. Waiting. Watching. Wondering. Hoping. Praying. Crying. Laughing. Resting.

Today I am remembering a good day. I've seen growth and it is good. Sweet. Like grapes. And this is only the first year's yield.

Love,
Dianne

If Willow Trees Could Talk...

Outside my door

I am greeted

with new life.

Spring is here

and even if it snows

and the wind has a bite,

Spring is here. 

The daffodils, crocus and hyacinth are triumphant 

and resplendent in all their finery.

They don't mind the autumn and winter debris 

for this is what kept them warm through the winter. 

I need to clean it out

(or just call it mulch).

I continued my trek around the farm,

the breeze pushing, pulling me towards the old willow tree,

the one that has stood many long years by the corncrib.

It did not fare the winter so well.

I think if trees could talk, 

this one would. 

(This tree was to be my someday "Party Tree",

where hobbits, elves, dwarves and men could gather.)

Today though, this tree made my thoughts go back to a Jerusalem hillside.

To another kind of tree. 

While some of it is now firewood,

and parts are dead, 

I don't just see despair and heartache.

I see LIFE. 

All around and in the midst of fallen branches, 

I see new life. 

I reflect.

I remember. 

Good Friday was a day of death. 

A day that many must have thought that surely all hope had come crashing down, 

leaving nothing in it's wake

but dead branches and decay.

I wonder if the day after was even worse. 

Final.

At least in their minds. 

But in all of that,

there was life.

Life that had been literally poured out

 for each and every one of us. 

And after three days

that must have felt like the three

 longest,

darkest, 

loneliest

most eternal days ever,

the morning came that the tomb was visited

and it was empty. 

The cross which signified suffering and death 

of the most unimaginable kind

became a symbol of hope too.

A way to reflect.

To remember. 

For in death, cold and biting,

life came forth. 

Thank You Jesus for what you sacrificed for me, yes for me, on that cross. 

Let me not forget those hard parts,

 Good Friday and the horrible days that followed,

but let me also remember 

the empty grave

and the morning that life sprang forth. 

Hallelujah!

Love,

Dianne

When a Hallmark Moment Leads…Go!

It's all Amy's fault. She started it with her one little comment on Facebook:

"I can only take so much Hallmark……."

The conversation that ensued was delightful; invigorating while sparking something in me that I didn't know was there.  Actually, lack of sleep will do that too, as in everything becomes just a little more silly, a little more random, a little more….well, here's a quote from our conversation, inspired by the endless array of Hallmark Holiday movies:

"... A coffee shop. A widow. Or widower. Perfect snowfalls. Cute, darling children. A lost pet that the gentleman with perfect teeth returns to it's owner who, of course works in the coffee shop (the 2nd of her three jobs) just to pay the rent on her teeny tiny 2 room loft apartment which is over a shoe store where a cobbler mends her shoes just in time to be dressed for the dance at Joe's Crab Shack down by the bay. Where of course Mr. Perfect Teeth likes to go on Thursdays for the all-you-can-eat-crab-legs. But what is this? He has an injury and the lost pet happens to be a rescue dog and as he is drowning his sorrow in ice-tea and crab legs, who should waltz in but Ms 3 Jobs. And it is love."

(Stay tuned. The ending is at the end. The P.S.)


And to think, this random Hallmark moment came after only one cup of caffeine  coffee this evening. Inspired I tell you, inspired.

Or just the ramblings of a tired mind that has been overexposed the last few weeks to the predictable, happily-ever-after story lines that make up November and December on the Hallmark channel. Not that these story's are wrong or harmful to watch, they are just not always reliable pictures of reality.

Reality that says not every ending is happy, and there are children who will go to bed hungry tonight. And let's not forget the mother whose arms ache to hold that which was snatched from her. Or the dad who really has exhausted every resource and now he has to tell his wife and kids that the next step is the street. And what about the reality for many who are facing large college debts, have a degree but no job? Or the one living with regret over harsh words she can never take back?

Okay, Hallmark does have something in that they show stories of people in hard circumstances, overcoming grief and heartache, regaining a positive attitude. They are trying to show uplifting, encouraging moments to touch the hearts of those watching. But, their happy endings are because everything falls into place perfectly. The timing is impeccable, the setting is romantic to the extreme. In real life? Not always so.

I keep thinking of a song, an ancient hymn often sung during Advent as we anticipate the birth of Jesus,  the Saviour that was anticipated to save us all, not from every hurt, every unhappy ending, but to give us hope in eternal life, a different kind of happyly-ever-after. He would be the one to see me through the hard times, walking with me in the midst of the mess. He never promised my life would be a Hallmark movie, but I'll take it.

O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyranny
From depths of Hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'er the grave
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

Love,
Dianne

P.S.Mr Perfect Teeth reluctantly returned the dog to Ms 3 jobs. He leaves the Crab Shack, stumbling out the door. The next morning, he hears a strange noise when he wakes up. (No, it's not from what he ate the night before.) He makes his way downstairs and finds, next to a freshly brewed cup of coffee, a note. As it directs him to look outside, he does, and there he sees a puppy. With a Christmas bow. And next to the puppy is Ms 3 Jobs who has decided on a new career of training dogs for service to those in need of a companion to assist. Music cues. They walk towards each other. They pause in the doorway, mistletoe dangles above them….

A Bleak Midwinter's Song

In the bleak mid-winter 

Frosty wind made moan, 

Earth stood hard as iron, 

Water like a stone; 

Snow had fallen, snow on snow, Snow on snow, 

In the bleak mid-winter

 Long ago.

Our God, Heaven cannot hold Him 

Nor earth sustain; 

Heaven and earth shall flee away 

 When He comes to reign: 

In the bleak mid-winter a stable-place sufficed 

The Lord God Almighty, / Jesus Christ.

Enough for Him, whom cherubim 

 Worship night and day, 

 A breastful of milk and a mangerful of hay; 

Enough for Him, whom angels fall down before, 

The ox and ass and camel which adore.

Angels and archangels may have gathered there, 

 Cherubim and seraphim thronged the air, 

 But only His mother in her maiden bliss, 

 Worshipped the Beloved with a kiss.

What can I give Him, poor as I am? 

 If I were a shepherd  I would bring a lamb, 

 If I were a wise man I would do my part, 

Yet what I can I give Him,  Give my heart.

This Christmas season I noticed this song, one that I am sure I heard before but dismissed in favor of the more well-known Christmas carols and hymns. But this year, I am touched by what it says, by the simplicity, by the sense of hope in the midst of all that is bleak, desolate and empty.

This season brings joy and hope, truly it does. But for so many, it is also a reminder of hurts, of remembering the anniversary of a death too close to a celebrated holiday, or rubbing of a wound, still so fresh and raw that healing hasn't even begun. It is a reminder of what is missing when all is supposed to be coming together.

In this song, I am reminded of a simple truth. Simple and unadorned.

Jesus, God in Heaven, became flesh, a squalling helpless baby boy, so that I can have hope in today, in tomorrow and for eternity.  

All because He loved me before I even was. 

Angels, Cherubim and Seraphim worship Him. Holy beings. 
And yet, I can also worship Him even when I feel like I am worthless and I have nothing to offer. 

My heart. That's all He desires. 

That's what I will give. 

Love,
Dianne

"In the Bleak Midwinter" is a Christmas carol based on a poem by the English poet Christina Rossetti written before 1872 in response to a request from the magazine Scribner's Monthly for a Christmas poem.[1] It was published posthumously in Rossetti's Poetic Works in 1904.

The poem became a Christmas carol after it appeared in The English Hymnal in 1906 with a setting by Gustav Holst. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_the_Bleak_Midwinter )

Whine and Dine

Sometimes I just want to complain.
About things like having to run back out to the school to turn in something I've forgotten.

Or needing to purchase another washing machine because ours has washed it's last load and the laundry is knee-deep.

I even complain that I need to lose weight.

Or that I don't know what to make for supper (which obviously isn't too much of a problem if I think I need to lose weight).

Complain.
Whine.
Grumble.

But then I stop. I have to stop.
I have my home.
I have children in a school that is a good one.
I have a full tank of gas in my car to run me to the school.
I have clothes that may need washed, but I have clothes.
I have more than enough food to eat, and a variety of food at that.
(When I complain, it should be called "Whine and Dine")
I am not starving.
Really, I lack for nothing. Not really.

I may think that life is hard. And don't get me wrong, sometimes it is very hard. But when I turn my heart and my head towards being thankful, I realize how blessed, how truly blessed I am.

I find myself thinking about those who lost everything in the Philippines, about those who are fighting to be able to worship God just one more day, for the children who weep because no one loves them, and for the many that live as slaves. I know that November makes us all reflect a little more on thankfulness, but I need to remember every single day. 

I am blessed. Very blessed. Maybe not in wealth, or even always the best of health, but I am filled in abundance with the peace that only God can give. I am rich in the love of my husband and children. I am saved by the grace that abounds. I lack for nothing and when I am discontent and ungrateful, it is because I've allowed my heart to wander.

But today, I am anchoring my heart in place, to a place of thankfulness. When I open my eyes in the morning I need to say a praise of thanks to God, not a curse that another day is upon me with work and weariness. I've said it before, but I'll say it again.

"This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." ~Psalms 118:24

I have a choice. I choose to be thankful. And if I start to grumble, to complain, to whine? Remind me of all that I have been blessed with. That includes you.

And now, what to make for supper? Time to Wine and Dine. Thank You God!

Love,
Dianne

Do As I Say and Not As I Do

The other day I needed a carpet/upholstery cleaner to clean the couch and love-seat we had acquired for the bride and groom. I wanted to get it done before they arrived home from their honeymoon. Calling a local hardware store, I found out that they do indeed rent these cleaners and I told them I'd be there in a little while to pick it up.

Then, a friend was at my house and I discovered that she owns a carpet/upholstery cleaner and I could borrow it, no charge. This was great!

Until, I remembered the hardware store. I had told them I'd be there to pick one up. Maybe I should just go get it. I didn't want to hurt their feelings after all.

Wait a second. Did I really just say that? That I am worried about hurting the hardware store's personnel's feelings if I don't rent their cleaner? Really?

But that's how I am. Like, if I go to a restaurant and I order a Chef's Salad and they bring me Cauliflower Soup. I would just eat the soup so I wouldn't make the waitstaff feel bad for messing up my order. And really, both foods have the initials C.S., right? Or if I order a CD online and when I get it, the CD case is correct but the wrong CD is inside. What do I do? I keep it and say nothing. I don't even fill out the evaluation form for the order.

I worry sometimes too much about saying the wrong thing, stepping on sensitive toes, questioning someone else's opinion. But it's a fine line, isn't it? Between being honest and matter-of-fact and making someone feel pain.

I am sure if I had called the hardware store to tell them, "Never mind," they probably wouldn't have even remembered that I called. The waitress would have gladly taken the soup back and gotten my salad. The CD sender probably would've admitted his error and corrected it. But I stew and stress over it because that's just how I am. I'd rather not rock the boat.

So what to do when faced with circumstances like these?
What I tell myself I need to do (and sometimes I even listen) is to put myself in the other person's shoes.
Would I want to be told if I'd messed up? Yes.
Would I want to be told in a nice, understanding way? Of course.
Would I respond in anger? I hope not.

And there you have it. Do as I say and not as I do.

In the end, I did use my friend's steamer instead of going to the hardware store because, really, that made sense. I don't think the store people will be mad, but just in case, the next time I go there, I'll wear a disguise.

Love,
Dianne

A Post to Ponder

I've been pondering lately.

Ponder: (according to thefreedictionary.com)

To reflect or consider with thoroughness and care (preferably by a pond according to me).

As I garden, I think about things. About people, about what to make for supper, about my favorite songs, about work, about dreams, about my do-to list, about the stuff of life. I garden, therefore I ponder. 

Sometimes at the end of the day, as dusk descends like a soft blanket, I walk through the yard and the various gardens to review what I've accomplished that day or just to see how my garden grows. I make plans for my next day in the garden. Sometimes Leo walks with me. Just like Adam and Eve we are, except for the lack of clothing part. We've got that covered, literally. 

The other evening, as we meandered through the little woods between the house and fields, we came across an unexpected bloom. 

It looked like a discarded shrub, tossed in the woods without any hope. But yet, there it was, not even planted in any kind of proper fashion, it's roots still molded in the shape of a pot no longer in existence. A laurel, strutting her stuff, alive in spite of whatever anyone else thought. 

I could learn a lot from her. 

On one of these evening walks, we also paused to look at a snowball bush, planted two years ago. Mostly bare sticks, there was this one lonely limb clinging to life. Tenacious, stubborn, determined. 

 I could learn a lot from her. 

Life gets exhausting sometimes. I can let it beat me into the ground until I am nothing but a pile of dry sticks, or I can cling to whatever flicker of joy, whatever spark of hope there is and keep on living the life God gave me.

I can keep my arms crossed, my head down, closed off to everyone and everything around me.
Or, I can spread my arms, fingers outstretched to catch the rain, lifting my face towards the sun, soaking in the warmth as it renews and restores.

As I wander, I ponder and I wonder. The evening stars come out, first just one, then many rivaling the lightning bugs with their twinkles. The moon, nearly full, shines on a landscape now shadowy and dim. Beautiful even though all around it is dark. I could learn a lot from them.

Isaiah 58 has a much to say, much I need to learn, much I need to do. But the promises that are there? So worth it. Take time to read the whole chapter. A challenge. A journey. Something to ponder.


8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
    and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness[a] will go before you,
    and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
    you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
    with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
    and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
    and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The Lord will guide you always;
    he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
    and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
    like a spring whose waters never fail.


Love,
Dianne

Ink Spot Blotting

Sometimes it is the unexpected things that take up your time.

Like a mischievous pen that decided to leak black ink on the futon.

I just happened to be folding clothes and sorting them on the futon while I watched HGTV. Too bad they weren't having a show about removing stains. Maybe if it was Martha Stewart...

Maybe if I was Martha Stewart...

Okay, I started by just blotting the ink spot with dry napkins. And I blotted and blotted.
Then I got some hairspray and sprayed it on, and blotted and blotted. And blotted.

Even after spending 20 minutes doing this, I still haven't gotten it all out. It's like the Dr. Suess book where Thing 1 and Thing 2 get all this pink ink everywhere. To clean it up, The Cat In The Hat used Vroom.

 I could really use some of that now. I wonder if it works on skin?
And it seems like it is getting darker the longer it is on my skin. I think I prefer paint to ink.

So, it is the unexpected things that take up my time sometimes. The choice I have to make, is what I am going to do with the unexpected. Sometimes, the surprises in life are nice, like your husband calling out of the blue and asking you to meet him for lunch. Or you get an unexpected package that you need to run out to the post office for.

But sometimes, the unexpected is not so nice. A sick child, a flood in the garden, a flat tire, your husband calling to say he is not going to get home until late, and the list could go on...

I could talk about the really bad things, like finding out you have a serious illness, or the death of a family member or a close friend, but for today, I'm not. I need to work on dealing with the small things. Somehow, that reflects more how anchored I am in what I believe than the big things. If I react with a meltdown over the small things, or have a crisis over a change of plans, that tells me that I am not grounded very well. It's time to find some balance. Faith, family, work, life...they all need balanced.

And somewhere in that balance, I need a way to maintain and reestablish equilibrium when the unexpected occurs.

Like a pen leak.

2 Corinthians 4:17 (NIV) For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

Love,

Dianne

Hoot-who else is not a morning person?

I read somewhere that "Motivation is desire putting on work clothes." (Anonymous) Today is one of those days where I think I'd really rather stay in my PJ's. I have loads to do and my motivation level is needing a cup of coffee. Black coffee. And I don't even like it black.

I thought that with a week's vacation, I'd develop some sort of better sleep pattern. You know, early to bed, early to rise and all that. Somehow though, I am still late to bed, late to rise and it frustrates me. Why, oh why, wasn't I made to be a natural morning person? I'd feel like I could accomplish more in a day that way. Why is that, do you think?

Regardless, I am not a morning person. I do my best sleeping between 2:00am and 9:00 or 10:00am. I am productive after lunch (or in my case, breakfast since I get up so late) until I feel guilty making noise when everyone else in the house is trying to sleep. I think I am part-owl. Maybe not a wise owl, but an owl nonetheless.

...and I kinda look that way before my coffee....

I always feel bad when I read in Proverbs about the woman who gets up before her household and gets soooo much done, or the person who is a sluggard because they sleep in. I feel like there is a stamp on my forehead that says, "Lazy Night Owl".  Why can't I be the way I think I should be?

Or did God make me the way I am for a reason? Is this just a season for me? I am a nurse who works night shift. What if no one wanted to work that shift? Would the sick people just stop being sick for 12 hours or would the ER close down for the night? That's not to say that at 4:00 in the morning, when I am at work, that I don't long to be at home, in bed asleep. But, it does say that I am able to do it because my body is wired to be more of a night owl kind of person.

The day may come when I am able to get up early without having a truck roar through the bedroom to wake me up, but until then, I may just need to accept that I am who I am. I know that on the days that I don't accept that, I am grouchy because I feel guilty that I am not the perfect "up at the crack of dawn" woman. On those days, I do not behave at all like the Proverbs 31 woman. My children do not wish to "rise up and call me blessed".

That being said, it doesn't mean that I shouldn't try to change things that I'd like to change. Maybe, though I need to be okay that it doesn't happen all at once. And that the hours I keep aren't going to be what is remembered about me ( at least I hope not!) What matters is what I do with the time that I am awake. Whether it is 7am-10pm or 10am-2am.

Hoot Hoot,
Dianne

So white....then add color!

Mission accomplished.

Heather's room is primed and ready for color. It is amazing really how much better her room looks even with just a coat of plain white primer. I would've said her walls were pretty much white before, but in comparison, they were not even a nice shade of off-white. Maybe more like the color of teeth left too long unbrushed.

Gross, I know.

The whole process makes me think about my life and how I may think I am "just fine" the way I am.
Why change?

But when I allow myself to see, to really see myself, I see the dingy, ugly parts of me.
         The negative thinking (I am a failure as a mom, as a wife, I am no good, etc...) ,
                     ...the way it is easy to think myself better than that other person,
                              ...the way I can get angry and all bent-out-of-shape over something
                                 that in 10years,
                                 5 years,
                                 1 year,
                                 even a week from now is not going to matter.
          And the list could go on...

Thank God that He sees me for who I am. The real me. And loves me anyhow.
That He loved me enough to give His life in place of mine, so that I can be primed; that I can become as white as newly fallen snow.

I can't wrap my mind around it.

 I can't comprehend how He loves me.

I just know that He does. 

He's real. 

Psalms 51 says so much more than I can say.
I took time this morning to read it, all of it, and to think about it. No, I didn't commit the sins David did, but I do sin. The writer of the Psalm wrote from his heart and it has touched mine.

"Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow." Psalms 51:7

Be cleansed, be primed and then, look out! Are you ready for color?!
Love,
Dianne

Oscar The Grouch or Big Bird?

I could be a grump today. I don't want to be, but I am afraid that the Oscar The Grouch that resides somewhere inside of me is trying diligently to get out.

What makes me grumpy, not just today, but any given day? The big one, like for many people, is lack of sleep. Sometimes it's just the huge pile of "to-do" things that I let overwhelm and engulf me. Throw in a little fear of the future, lack of finances (or the poor management thereof), too many demands, and a woman's favorite time of the month (sorry if you're a guy reading this, but it's true).

When I let the worries of today, yesterday and tomorrow build up, or I let them take over, I become just like the olive green, grungy, grimy, garbage-can residing monster.

Good Ol' Oscar

Days like today make me feel ugly inside and out. I need to pause, take a breath, put on some music, put a positive thought in my head and focus on one or two things, not everything. 

Ahhh, I am already feeling better.  

Even writing this blog helps me put my swirling thoughts into perspective and keeps me in check.

This is the day the Lord the has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalms 118:24 

Confession at High Noon

Confession time.
I slept until noon today.
Lazy? Maybe.
Or maybe just needed.
After working 3 night shifts and then sleeping yesterday, once I was awake, I was really awake. Like, until 2:30am awake.  So then I slept. Until High Noon.
"I'll meet you at high noon at the saloon. Be ready for a steaming cup of coffee."
Oh, I forgot to mention that I was awake around 8:00am when Leo brought me breakfast in bed. For no reason other than he is my sweetheart. So, I ate scrambled eggs 'n' ham (not green) and a waffle. He's so good to me. Then, I fell asleep again.

I usually think I am invincible. That when I take off my shirt, there is super hero clothing on underneath stating that I am WonderMom. But it's not true.

I need rest, and lots of it. I need good food, and lots of it (well, maybe not lots; I just like food). I need to exercise (notice the lack of lots). I need to take time to rejuvenate, renew, refresh, and revive.

I need to be okay that I need those things. I need to take care of me so I can take of my family, so I can go to work with a positive attitude, so I can enjoy the life God has blessed me with. I've tried to be the person who thought that I should never put myself first and what I found was that I wasn't really helping anyone. My attitude in serving others was one of martyrdom. Does that make sense?

When I take a little time for me, I am ready to serve others with a joyful heart. It's about balance. It's not all about Me, Me, Me; rather, it is a combination of God, others, and me.

I struggle with serving others with the right attitude. I know that taking time for rest and all the other stuff makes me better able to have the right attitude.

So, my today resolution is: Be a blessing to the people God puts in my way, whether it is to just smile and say "Hi", or to fix their flat tire (at least I could call TripleA).

Alarm clock....go away...

It's 4:07 pm and my alarm went off 7 minutes ago and now the series of snooze wake-up calls has begun. I am too tired to even reach over and shut it off, to let it know that I am awake. I think I understand quite well why people throw their alarm clocks across a room, or pound on them to make them stop. Oh, and there it goes again...

Alarm clock. Even the name is annoying. Why would anyone even want something that signifies ALARM! To me, alarm means impending danger, something distressing. No wonder no one wants their alarm clock to go off!

Maybe if it were called an Anticipation Clock or even an Inspiration Device, we would look forward to what the day holds with excitement instead of dread. I wish my wake- up call included coffee and breakfast in bed. Yes, even at 4:00 in the afternoon. All night shift workers will understand.

Maybe when my clock sounds the alarm, it could also have an inspiring quote or verse to get me motivated to fling off the warm covers, bound out of bed, and greet my offspring with a smile. You know, instead of the normal squinty-eyed look that says my eyes would rather be closed, and the grunt that means "I won't be fully awake until after coffee and a shower."

So, as the alarm clock continues to remind me that I am still in bed, I stretch and yawn, stretch again, and think about getting up. At least now I am pondering the possibility.

"Let the morning (or evening, as the case may be) bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Psalms 143:8

Simple Complexity

Merry Christmas to all my family and friends! From beginning to end, I hope your day is blessed beyond your wildest imaginings.

As I think about Christmas and it's meaning, today more than ever, I realize that what God did in sending Jesus as a baby, was truly beyond my wildest imagining. To think about the very creator of the world, now a helpless human being, being placed in a smelly manger bed, is well, rather unimaginable.

Amidst all the decorations and lights, the music, the food, and the gifts, I hope I don't forget the complexity, as well as the simplicity of what Christmas is.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Complex.

Jesus loves me. Simple.

He loves me enough to die for me so I can be assured of life everlasting. Simple. Complex. Unimaginable.

Take time to read from the Bible today the story of His birth. Luke 1 & 2. Matthew 1 & 2.

Keep it simple.
Ponder the complexity.

Merry Christmas
Love, Dianne

"Not Far Apart"

This song means a lot to me. I had it playing in my car the morning I got the news about Luke. It had just finished playing and Luke's mom called me.

Today would've been Luke's 3rd birthday. Last year, Dec.22, Jesus scooped him up and took him to Heaven. Today, I miss Luke's smile, his pleasant personality even when disease and sickness made life not so nice. I miss his silliness when he was playful. I miss watching Disney channel and Nick Jr at 4:00 in the morning. I miss him.

Today, say a prayer for his mommy and daddy, his big sister and little brother. Christmas is not always easy.

Say a prayer for others, who this Christmas season, are missing family and friends.

"I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow." 

Jeremiah 31:13

And while these words may not make you dance around the room with joy, I pray they give you the courage to continue. 

Preparing My Heart

Today is the Third Sunday of Advent.

Advent (from the Latin word adventus meaning "coming") is a season observed in many Western Christian churches, a time of expectant waiting and preparation for the celebration of the Nativity of Jesus at Christmas.


For Christians, the season of Advent serves as a reminder both of the original waiting that was done by the Hebrews for the birth of their Messiah as well as the waiting of Christians for Christ's return from Heaven where he now sits at the Right Hand of God. (Wikipedia)

We prepare for Christmas in so many ways, for many reasons. We decorate our homes, we bake the holiday favorites, we listen to Christmas music as we buy gifts and wrap them in festive paper and ribbons, and we make plans to visit family. None of these activities is wrong. They are all part of the preparation done to celebrate the birth of Jesus.

I enjoy each of these activities; they are part of preparing my heart for not only this Christmas season 2011, but for the day of Christ's return.  But as I prepare my home and all the rest, in the midst of all the hustle and bustle, how do I really prepare my heart? As a Christian, do I read my Bible, spend time praying everyday? Or do I use the excuse that I am too busing living life to take the time?

Today as I reread the passage from Zephaniah 3:14-20, there is a verse that stands out to me. Verse 17 says that " He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Wow. He will rejoice over me with singing. Why???!!! is the question that comes to my mind.

I am amazed at what Jesus did in coming to the Earth in human form, to walk among us, to die for us, to rise again, and to someday return. May my heart be prepared for that someday. May it start today.

(I tried to put the post "Veni, Veni" with this one and I couldn't figure it out. But take time to view it and read the words to the song. Powerful)