How old am I?
On the outside, I am almost 32.
Umm, well. . . okay. . . 42.
Physically I have lived for 41 years, 11 months and 17 days. Some days I "feel" my age (or older), especially if I am tired. Most days though, I feel younger. I try to stay active, mostly with walking and that helps.
But what about on the "inside"? How old am I? There is a saying which states that "you are only as old as you think you are" and there is much truth in that.
I have moments of feeling quite young, like preschool-age young.
Like when I am feeling insecure, shy, and small.
Like when I am over-tired and have gotten angry or irrational over something pointless.
(That's right, sometimes I need a time-out.)
Other times, I feel like I am 10 years old.
Like when I am excited about learning something new.
Like when I am digging in the garden, and am covered in dirt and simply don't care.
Like when I feel like I don't have a care in the world. (that doesn't happen very often, but when it
does, I am 10.)
At times I feel like a teenager.
Like when I am faced with decisions regarding the future and life feels unsure.
Like when I am insecure over how I look or what to wear.
Like when I want to drive fast in a really cool car.
I like feeling like I am in my twenties.
Just because.
I really like feeling like I am back in my thirties.
Life had a feeling of being "established".
I felt more alive as my depression was finally being dealt with.
I don't know why exactly, but I liked the decade of being 30.
But what about 41? Someday when I am 81, I may feel like I am 41 again.
Like when I look at Leo and my heart pounds.
Like when I am feeling pride for my children's accomplishments, or feeling pride just because
they are mine.
Like when I have walked 5 miles and just feel healthy.
Like when I spend time with God and discover something new about Him and me.
Whatever age I am, I am ageless. Maybe even classic. Within a day, I can be 4, 14, 24, 34 and 104.
Or I may just be 41 years, 11 months and 17 days.
Love,
Dianne
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