Balance. . . Sooooo Welcome

A topic it seems I come back to a lot is BALANCE.
Why is it so hard to find?
To maintain?

Work an extra shift to help pay a car bill or spend time with family?
This should be a no-brainer, but sometimes it is not.

Last night I got the dreaded call from the hospital that the "on-call" was being started as we got more admissions and were busy, needing a fifth person to either work or be "on-call?" Could I do the 3-11 shift on Saturday? I wanted to say "No." I mean "NO!!!!!!!", but instead, I said,  "Let me see what we have going on and I'll call back."

Thus the struggle began.
I know what it is like to work when it is crazy busy and that fifth person is sooooo welcome.
My car  needs major work. Poor Scarlet. The money would also be sooooo welcome.
I could make it work to be available to work.
We could do sweet corn next week instead of Saturday.
But. . .
I am tired from working the last two nights.
I didn't sleep much and a day off would be sooooo welcome.
We'd all be home to do sweet corn on Saturday and the extra hands would be soooo welcome.
I just want a day off to be home, no errands to run, no place to go.
I'd have to drive Morning Glory, my ancient Subaru that isn't meant to go so hard anymore. (She is supposed to be retired.)

What to do, oh what to do?

My work family is just that, a kind of family. I don't want to let them down anymore than I do my "real" family. Sometimes I do need to be available for work things, and sometimes I need to not be.
Sometimes I need to say no, like I did at my other job last evening. An unexpected new client visit came up and it would've meant another 45 minutes of driving plus the interview and assessment. I already was doing 3 planned visits and hoped to be home in the evening with my family.

Again, what to do?

I decided that I could not do the visit. We had a birthday celebration planned and I wanted, no, needed, to be here with my family. And that's what I did. Did I feel guilty somehow? Yes, a little; but I need to give myself permission sometimes to say "No." I needed to maintain balance.

I finally called the hospital back.
The first 4 hours were covered, but the 7pm-11pm still needed someone.
I could keep you in suspense here.

But I won't.

I took the 4 hours and now I am on-call. How do I feel about it? I wish I wasn't, but it is part of my job, and if I think back to when Ryan was a NICU baby, I am thankful for nurses who were available, who could take care of him when the unit was busy. So, sometimes I need to be that nurse for another baby, and go with a smile, grateful for the opportunity to serve.

Why say "no" to one extra work assignment, and "yes"to another?
I really couldn't do the extra visit last night. I had plans. My family needed me here. I had only slept about two hours and all the extra driving wasn't smart. As for the hospital shift tonight? Most of my family has plans and will be going their own way this evening. I am rested. I can make it work, and now I can pay for parts for my car a little easier.

Balance.
Hard to find sometimes.
But, when you do, it feels a little like I am wearing an Olympic Gold around my neck.

Love,
Dianne