I am desperately trying to feel as motivated as my daughter who is across the table from me looking up her next semester college books. She just ran up the steps singing "Hallelujah". Apparently she already has a book that is required.
Cha-ching. Money saved. $150.00 to be precise.
Money saved. What a lovely phrase.
For me though, it feels like a lovely dream and not reality. From mistakes and stupid judgement calls over the years, we are in debt. I know we aren't alone in this, but sometimes it feels like all the eyes are on me, making me feel like an idiot. An idiot with a checkbook and credit card.
In reality it is probably only my own eyes looking at me, telling me that. But, boy oh boy, do I ever listen! Let me be the first to say that it is not helpful. It is not encouraging. It is most definitely not inspiring.
For the past six months, I have been working two jobs, trying to get old bills paid off forever. I have made progress and I do have a few bills that are paid. YES!! Cha-ching. But...
There's always a "but" isn't there?
...but, then the car(s) break down, the teeth need fixed, and we don't have money set aside, just waiting to be used in moments such as this. It would be easy to get into a depressed state here, but...
But...
~today is a new day and I can save a dollar today.
~I do have bills that are paid forever and if they weren't, life would be a lot tougher.
~I am learning how to spend differently and better.
~I am now accountable to you who read this.
Accountability. Kind of a math-ish sounding word, so for me, a little intimidating. What does it mean, really? I guess by putting my debt issues out there for all to see, it is a motivation to keep working on it, to keep working towards my goals. When I know that someone else knows, and they see me at Michaels, loading up my cart, I will be reminded of my goal to be debt-free.
Speaking of Michaels (you know, the Arts and Crafts store), this store is an addiction. Scrapbook supplies, beads, paper, yarn, stamps, glue.....oh my. After a crazy night at work, or a stressful time anywhere, I get this irresistible urge to go shopping. JoAnn's is good too. Or Hobby Lobby. I think I could be a borderline shopping addict. Somehow, I think that buying a book, purchasing a CD, a new fabric or a new scrapbook supply will make it all better.
But it doesn't, at least not much and not for long.
Self-control is needed here. Not just that, but when I have an empty place that needs filled, I need to go to God, not a shopping cart. (And yes Dianne, that means the on-line carts too. Stop looking for loopholes.)
My Today Resolution: Look to God to fill the emptiness, not things, or the pleasure in unearthing a great sale. Be accountable. Be open. Be vulnerable. Be real.
Thank you, my friends, for listening. You are the best.
Maybe I'll go run up the stairs singing "Hallelujah".
Love,
Dianne
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