Red Balloons

Imagine a frail older woman with a bunch of red helium balloons. She is so pleased with her balloons and doesn't  realize that the balloons, while not enough to let her soar, are actually pulling her out towards the edge of an ocean, waves toppling onto the shore. This would be fine except the woman holding the balloons isn't so strong anymore and the current is dangerous. She was once a fine, strong swimmer but not anymore. 

Her arms have grown tired. 

Her cane is never far from her reach anymore. 

Her eyes, while still bright and can flash with anger, don't always see so clearly.

The music she hears seems distant and muffled somehow. 

Her thoughts make sense in her head, like a dream makes sense until you wake up. 

When she says her thoughts aloud, no one seems to understand. 

She doesn't understand. 

She only wants to be strong. 

She just wants to do what she used to do. 

Imagine a younger woman with a pin. She looks up to, respects the older woman, but she is afraid that she is going to get hurt, or feel embarrassed if she allows the balloons to take her out to sea. It doesn't matter if  the older woman used to do it; what matters is that now, she can't. She shouldn't. 

The pin. 

Poised to strike, the younger woman feels guilty, like she should go out to sea with her friend. 

To help her.

But she can't. Not now. 

Her own family needs her. 

But so does this silver-haired woman. 

The young woman is torn; she wants to be there for both.

 

Maybe, if the balloons were gone, safety could be assured. 

Reason could be restored. 

She had tried to reason with the older woman. 

Voices were raised; hers so she could be heard, the other because anger was edging in. 

One balloon was pierced, gone. Then another before the rest were jerked angrily out of reach.

Hurt feelings and misunderstood words.

Stubbornness.

"How can I make myself be understood", they both thought.

Compassion, gentleness,

A hand to guide, even when it steers away from what she wants to do. 

Because wanting and doing isn't always the right thing to do. 

~~~~~

These are my thoughts, started last night but finished this morning. I am in a situation where I need to step back, for this year, from something I love to do. Someone else has loved it too, for many more years than I. She can't do it alone. I know that, but she doesn't. Or refuses to accept that. I tried to be blunt with her, because she needs to hear it straight and clear, but she is stubborn. I hurt because I feel that she is hurting. I feel like I left her with her red balloons in hand, some now dragging on the ground behind her as she clings to what they represent.

Any words of wisdom? Any thoughts? One part of my heart says, "Help, do whatever you can to make her plans happen." The other part says, "Be realistic. The resources are not there. You have a wedding and tearing yourself in pieces to do all, be all, is going to leave you in worse shape than the deflated red balloons."

I know what I need to do; it just doesn't make it easier. 

Love,

Dianne