Don't Look Now, but Time is Passing

I like quiet evenings at home, with the sound of rain on the roof. (Not snow yet!) Leo is in bed sleeping. Ryan is beside him reading a Magic Treehouse book, Amy is skyping a friend, Heather is on Facebook, Aaron is talking to his girlfriend, and Adrienne is doing homework. Everyone is doing their own thing, but we are all here, together. I like that.

Life is so different than what it was, even just a few short years ago. My family is growing up. Most of me is enjoying the way our relationships are changing and growing, but there is always going to be a part of me that misses when they were all little. Life seemed simpler and didn't seem to go so fast; it wasn't so technology driven, it seemed uncomplicated.

It seemed simpler, but really, was it? In some ways, yes. In other ways, no. They weren't as independent then and needed more from you, more of you, so when everyone needed something, it got crazy. When no one had their driver's licenses, and rides were needed, it could get hectic. (Of course, they didn't have as many places to go back then either, so that was simpler.) I couldn't keep up with laundry, cooking, and maintaining a perfectly cleaned house with 5 energetic, active, messy farm kids.

I remember people telling me to "enjoy these times, it will go by too quickly." I remember thinking, "I just want to survive to the end of the day." I did think that somehow they would all be little forever, and honestly, I wasn't convinced that I was cut out for the job. Sometimes I would just get completely overwhelmed with the enormity of being a mom and the little stresses of daily life would feel huge to me. I was dealing with depression too, I just didn't call it that and I certainly wasn't going to admit my struggles with anyone. They all had it together, I didn't.

Looking back, I wish I had believed the people who told me that the years would go by quickly. Maybe I would have focused more on spending time with my children instead of stressing over how the house looked, or being the "perfect" mom. The years did go by fast, and they are growing up.

BUT...I can enjoy them today, and tomorrow, and the next day. I can't go back and relive those years, and even though I have regrets, I don't have to hang on to them. I can cherish the memories and learn from my mistakes. I will never have a perfectly clean house, and I will most likely never catch up on the laundry, and I am sure I will still get grouchy about it, but I am trying to be okay about it. I am not always successful, but I am trying to be more balanced about it.

I like quiet evenings at home, with my family. I enjoyed watching part of a sappy Hallmark movie with Amy, and going somewhere with my children for lunch. I am glad I took the time, because that time is something I can't get back.

I think I'll go hug everyone good night. I may even tuck them in.

Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs bite,
(Now that's something you really want to tell a child to make them sleep well!)
Dianne