I always think "I am going to get up early tomorrow!", but then, when the alarm goes off at 6am on a Saturday morning, that little buddy Snooze becomes my pillow-mate. Yesterday morning, I awoke to Francesca Battistelli singing, "Sick and tired of being sick and tired..." The Breakup Song (breaking up with the fear that keeps me in bondage), and the first thought I was aware of in my sleep-fuzzied brain was: "Oh no! I forgot to call my patients for today's visits. And wait, who do I even have on my schedule??" I can't remember at all and I feel a hint of panic. Think, think, think. Then the words of the song break through a bit more and my brain, now less-fuzzy, realizes I am not working today. Relax. A slow smile brings the corners of my mouth up and at the same time, my eyes open fully. That realization, along with needing to use the bathroom RIGHT NOW, had me throwing the covers off, taking a brief moment to flex my toes and feet before planting them firmly on the ground like a woman on a mission. I was going to seize this day!
An early morning run sounded about right, but I don't like running on an empty stomach any more than I like running after a big meal. Soooo...coffee....well, of course....and let's see, an organic brown sugar toaster pastry (do organic and brown sugar even belong in the same sentence??). Perfect! Until I burnt the first pastry that is, and the glaze was melted beyond recognition and it dripped and adhered to my index finger leaving a blister. Ouch. I wasn't going to be deterred though. A second pastry was lightly browned and soon I was all set with a book, some paper, a pen, my coffee, and a blanket and I set out for our pond. Again, I always think about doing this and it has never come to fruition.
But I have a choice, don't I? We all do.
I can hit snooze until 8am and then be a bear about not getting up earlier or I can decide to get up. I have choices all day long that can change the course of my day and my attitude. My grandma had a quote taped to her wall between the kitchen and living room at the junction where it broke off to the short hallway to her bathroom and bedroom. No matter where she was coming from in her house, she would see this tiny snippet of paper with a big saying.
When my alarm goes off every morning I can stay "sick and tired of... (fill in the blank)" or I can do something about it. One thing I did recently was change my alarm clock song during the week to a song by Bethany Dillon called "Let Your Light Shine". I awaken with a prayer and a blessing on my heart.
Father, let Your light shine down on me. Father, let Your light shine down on me; no matter what the day or night may bring...Father, let Your light shine down on me."
The entire song speaks to me in powerful ways and I have put the link to a youtube video with lyrics below. Powerful truths and I get the privilege to wake up to this. It has helped when I am faced with those attitude choices that I inevitably do.
7:30am and I am 1 1/2 hours of blessing into my day. I'm being bathed in the warm rays stretching over the treetops, squinting as the light reflects off the water, and finally just closing my eyes, feeling the heat on my eyelids, and even with my eyes closed, I see yellow and orange light. My hearing becomes heightened and I hear the bullfrogs as they twang and harrumph their choir notes in a pleasant off-key medley with the birds.
Then, tossing a few leftover pastry crumbs to the blue gill milling beneath the dock, I breathe deeply. Is it possible to smell and taste the colors green and blue? You should try it sometime; it is exhilarating! I think I may have inhaled a tiny glimmer of heaven.
My run still awaits. I have been nourished physically, mentally, and spiritually. I know that I am guilty of allowing anxiety and my fear of whatever I think the day may hold to keep me from seizing the opportunities that each day holds. I forget sometimes that God has me in His sight, that He wants to go with me, that He has gone before me and already knows what the day holds. He gives me a choice, many choices actually. That is powerful when you really think about it.
Dear Snooze, I am sorry to say we may be breaking up. I am not hiding behind you anymore to avoid facing the day. I am not letting you and Fear conspire to keep me in a bondage. Let my just borrow Francesca's words to say, "I know who I am, I know I'm strong and I am free, go my own identity. So fear, you will never be welcome here.".
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