Conquering the Climb

FEAR

I allow it to own me, 

stopping my dreams in their tracks,

keeping me in a box. 

BUT yesterday? 

I made a decision to do something new. 

Something that made my heart pound and my body tremble. 

I went rock climbing with my daughter,Amy and my almost son-in-law, Joel. 

This is how it went. 

After church at Veritas in Columbus, Ohio we went back to Amy's house and ate chicken alfredo. You know, energy for what the afternoon would bring. Maybe I should have had Wheaties, but Wheaties are gross and alfredo is not. I put on what I thought would be appropriate rock climbing attire and off we went to The Wall. 

Kinda looks like I have to pee. I don't. Not yet. 

"Okay. I can do this. I can. It's not that high. And you have a harness. It's all good."

I keep telling myself this as we watch the others on the wall, waiting for a free auto belay. You know, the thing that will keep me from plummeting to the ground in an ungraceful heap. 

Ummm. 

So, the ungraceful heap? 

My first attempt to go up also involved how to get down. I have this harness around my waist and thighs with one rope attached in the front. And ALL I had to do to come down is LET GO OF THE WALL and TRUST that this auto belay will let me down gently. 

~Apparently I have trust issues.~

I would think "Go, just do it!" and I just couldn't. 

"One, two, three...."

And still there I was perched on the wall, arms starting to feel numb. 

And then I had to let go, and because I wasn't too far up yet, the auto belay didn't really have time to slow down. I landed on my feet with an "ooooff" and then proceeded to bounce back onto my butt, not just once but about three times in a row. Think how a pebble looks skimming across the pond. That was me. Did I mention that the ground was a little bouncy on purpose and my bottom is ample enough that the bouncing was just a natural phenomenon? I am sure it looked natural and will be a move that other rock climbers will now try to emulate. 

I finally figured out how to go up to this little ledge that you could stand on, and pulled myself up, breathless and exhausted. It was the climbing part that the little kids do without ropes. I am having flashbacks to my 5th Grade ski trip and never making it off the Bunny Slope. 

Fear. 

Intimidation. 

Self-consciousness.

NO

Not this time!!

Let's Do This! 

This young woman is my inspiration. Amy, you rock!

(sorry, I couldn't help that!)  

I hook into a different auto belay and try again. I decide I am not going to look down or too far up; my focus is where I am and my next immediate move. I had tried Amy's climbing shoes and I wasn't sure if I liked the shoe or being barefoot; besides the shoe hurt my left foot, making it cramp, so I decided to try it both ways. I'm not sure if that was the trick or not, but this was the only time I made it all the way to the top. If I thought letting go was hard before, this was just as hard. I may have swung around more than I would've liked on the way down, but I did manage to avoid the pebble-on-the-pond look at the end. I landed on my feet. Like a cat.

Speaking of feeling cat-like...

I was feeling a new confidence and as Amy and Joel were conquering another part of the wall, I thought I'd go jump up athletically onto the two foot high rock wall that surrounded the climbing area as I made my way to where our stuff lay on the grass.

I approached the wall with a slight swagger.

Oh yeah. I am feeling this.

Then, as I go to jump up, I trip and instead of landing on my feet, you know cat-like, I sprawl across the rock, my head and arms in the grass, my belly on the rock and my legs still on the gravel. I immediately tried to think how I could make this look like I intended to land this way. 

Ummm, not happening. 

I literally crawled the rest of the way to our gear and then just burst into laughter. 

Maybe I can tell everyone that the bruise on my knee is from heroic rock-climbing. 

I think I was not expecting just how much scaling a rock wall would take out of me.

My arms would feel crazy, both numb and tingling. I learned that if I stayed in one place too long, trying to figure out my next move, it would make my arms and legs lose energy and strength. I was better if I studied the wall for a bit before even trying and then once moving up, to just keep moving. 

Okay, sounds like a life lesson here. 

Fear can hold you back and sometimes that's a good thing, but I need to take time sometimes to explore options, see what the possibilities are and then take the climb. Or the plunge. God is more secure, more reliable than any auto belay. He holds me in the palm of His hand.

I choose to trust in that. 

Love, 

Dianne