Adrienne and I, along with friend Danae, and our favorite cheerleader Gabrielle, we headed for Morgantown, WV fo the Decker’s Creek Half Marathon. We left early because we needed to pick up our packets and the website made it sound like parking could be a challenge. Can I say how proud I was in that moment as we climbed to the top of the parking garage, that we were literally almost the first ones there?! I am usually just in time (barely) or late. I outdid myself this time. I hoped that arriving first would be a sign of how the whole day would go.
There is always some pre-race jitters for me (aka: multiple trips to the porta-potty) and I was a little more nervous than usual because I know I really didn’t prepare as well for this as I should have. I had signed up thinking, “Just walk if you need to; it’s your birthday, just do it for fun. Besides, it’s mostly downhill.” 13 miles for fun. Am I losing my mind!?! Maybe, but I was signed up and committed, so we got our packets, and headed for the buses which would take us to the trail head about 20 minutes away.
Walking in to the start, Danae, Adrienne and I were all feeling ready. We would just do what we could. Initially we had thought we would all stay together, more or less, but we literally lost Adrienne in the crowd within the first 1/10th of a mile. Danae and I stayed together for about 5 miles or so, and I tried to find Adrienne, but we finally just decided that she had gone on out ahead and we would see her at the finish. At about 5 miles in, I was beginning to feel some pain in my right hip and had to take a few walk breaks. I was able to catch up to Danae for awhile doing that, but finally it was too much.
And then those little whispers of discouragement started inside my head.
“Who told you that you could keep up?”
“You will never be faster or stronger.”
“Maybe you aren’t cut out for this.”
“ You run funny.”
Now, I don’t have a mile-by-mile dialog of how I felt, what I did to keep going, what I ate or drank, but I do know that I ran the range of emotions and physical stages from joyful energy all the way to wanting to give up. There were moments of humor, like when my Fitbit charge fell off my waistband and was at my knee on the inside of my leggings and I reached my hand down my pants to retrieve it. Danae thought I was working a muscle (like a true fellow massage therapist would!). Then there was Mile 10.
I had come out of the wooded trail and was getting so close to the finish. “Just another 5k Dianne...you can do this.” But I had never done more than 10 miles before. Ever. And the downhill was gone. It had been tough enough with that advantage and now it was gone. I. Was. Tired. My legs felt like heavy bags of wet sand.
“I don’t think you have it in you.”
“All those people passing you? They even started 15 minutes after you.”
“You still run funny.”
And then, there was Adrienne.
I had not seen her since the start of the race, and now, she was right beside me. I thought I was hallucinating. But she was so very real and EXACTLY what I needed right then. She was the voice of encouragement that I needed and I believe God had the timing perfect. She kept me going with her steady pace. She didn’t tell me to stop, but she kept telling me to keep moving forward at my own pace. She believed I could finish this thing. She believed in me. That gave me courage to keep on. She put some fighting music on my Spotify, she made sure I had a drink of water, and a tube of applesauce. It was enough. It kept me moving ever closer to the finish.
Then, there it was. That beautiful, oh so beautiful, finish line. I finished, still running, and could hear Gabrielle and Danae cheering and shouting encouragement. I. FINISHED. MY. RACE.
What did I learn from this experience?
1) During those miles between 5-10, I had to come to grips with something: I needed to run my race, not anyone else’s. I am 49, still fairly new to this fitness and running world. I don’t run every day, some weeks I am lucky if I get one run in, and I HAVE to stop this comparison game.
2) Sometimes you don’t have to run it alone and the right persons shows up when you need them most.
3) Preparing for a race, or anything in life really, is not a bad thing. Sometimes life happens and you can’t prepare, but even having a more solid foundation would be helpful. I needed to be able to combat the enemy (discouragement and defeat) with words of affirmation and positivity. I AM A RUNNER! I AM CREATED BY GOD AND I CAN DO THIS! And actually training with a weekly plan would have probably helped with the sandbag legs and the hip pain. Lesson learned.
4) Sometimes life is more of a mind game. Am I prepared to play?
5.) I need to just run my race even if it looks like I am dancing the Charleston.
That day, I thought, “okay, I’ve done a Half, now I can cross it off my list and never do it again.” But now? I already signed up for another one. Never give up. Onward and upward.
Love,
Dianne
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