A Shoulder to Cry On (or About)

Once upon a time last May, I began to notice a pain in my left shoulder and arm and being a nurse, I thought I'd ignore it. Besides, I couldn't think of anything I had done to cause an injury; it's not like I was working out extensively (or ever ha-ha), lifting weights or well, anything really. Maybe I'd just randomly pulled something and it would resolve in a day or two. It didn't. I finally just figured that maybe, just maybe, this was a sign of my body getting older and I'd just have to deal with it. 

Fast forward through the summer and fall. The pain began radiating down my arm and there were certain ways I couldn't get my arm to go and I was being awakened frequently at night by arm pain. Ignore it. Stretch it out. Use ice. Try heat. Try pretending it'll go away on it's own. Finally, admit that I need to go get it checked out because if I'm going to complain and whine about it, then I need to do something about it. 

See my Family Nurse Practitioner. Check.
Get an x-ray. Check.
Go to physical therapy for six weeks. Check.
No improvement noted and it's actually a little worse. Bummer.
Have an MRI. Check.
See orthopedic doctor. Check.
Surgery scheduled for 3/31 to repair small rotator cuff tear and shave the shoulder bone clean of spurs. Check.

What have I learned through all of this? Let me tell you, the practical, not-so-practical, the good and the bad (not necessarily in that order, or any order):

1.)  My parents are really wonderful. They may have sometimes driven me crazy whilst I was growing up (or most likely, I drove them crazy!) but through all of this, they have driven me to appointments, drove Ryan to his PSSA testing three days in a row, ran me on errands, and they were with me before and after surgery. My mom even said I looked good in my blue-striped hospital gown. That's love.

2.) Wear underclothing you are proud to be seen in, or at least not embarrassed by. You may be asking why. Well, beyond your mother telling you to "wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident and someone sees them", here is my rationale. It had been a long time since I'd had a surgery requiring general anesthesia and even being a nurse, I wasn't really 100% sure of the protocol (and these are often changing!) and I knew the bra would come off, but as for the underwear, I wasn't so sure. I was nervous enough that morning and figured my best course of action would be to wear a pair I liked so I would not have to worry about anybody either seeing me in them or helping me put them back on after surgery. 

3.) Always read your pre-op instructions thoroughly. I read them, just not thoroughly. And I really wanted smooth legs and wasn't sure how I'd be shaving them after surgery. It was only Nair Hair Removal after all. I smoothed it on and while I was waiting the required four minutes for optimal results, I then decided to read the instructions that went with the Hibiclens soap that I was to use the night before and the morning of surgery. Do not use any hair removal products. Do not shave. I figured since I don't have hairy shoulders I was good to go. The armpits I would just have to deal with and I decided since I wouldn't be raising my arm up anyhow, it would be okay. As for the legs, the Nair was already on and really, what could happen? My surgery had nothing to do with my legs. But the soap said to use everywhere except my face and most delicate regions. The four minutes were up, I jumped in the shower and rinsed the Nair away and applied the Hibiclens. Let's just say I felt the burn. 
Nair + Hibiclens = Redness, irritation and burning. Ouch.

Behaving myself at therapy

4.) I like medication. I didn't think I would, but when the choice was pain vs. sleep, I chose sleep and comfort. I was nervous about taking anything because I hate nausea even more than pain, but all the advice I'd been given was to take something and not drown in pain that was beyond control. I went with the least amount that was most effective for me and I found that the pain was tolerable and better than I'd anticipated. I tried therapy the other day without pain medication and decided that while I pride myself in having a pretty good pain tolerance, this wasn't a great idea. Therapy - pain medication = a not-nearly-as effective therapy session because I was tense and working against the therapist. If you need it, take it. Don't be a pain martyr. I'd like to say I was the case study for someone with minimal to no pain following a rotator cuff repair, but alas, it is not meant to be.

5.) Ice is one of my best friends. When I strap on the ice-pack, I look like either a Power Ranger, a Transformer or a half-dressed Ninja. I look strong and heroic. But then I remember that I sometimes need help getting dressed, getting the ice on, help with cooking, cleaning, lifting,....but Ice still loves me and I love Ice. When the doctor says to use ice to help with swelling and pain, listen to him or her. At almost three week post-op, I still like to strap the ice on after therapy or at bedtime instead of taking a pill. And I just like looking like a Power Ranger, a Transformer or a half-dressed Ninja.

Can't wait to give 2-armed hugs again!!

 6.) I need to ask for help. I like to think that I am invincible (it's the ice-pack super hero complex),  that somehow I will recover faster, be able to do it all sooner than anybody else, not have pain, and not need help. This experience has left me humbled. My church family has brought in meals and this has been such a blessing. I don't think "Thank you!!" covers it adequately. Doing everything right-handed is exhausting for this left-handed woman. My brain feels tired; I don't think my left brain has had this much activity in, well, ever. And along with this tiredness, I was completely surprised by the overwhelming physical exhaustion I felt, especially the first two weeks. For those that know me, I don't go to bed early and I was ready for bed by 7pm most nights. Some nights it was 5:30pm. 

Thank you Amy for putting my hair back!

7.) Learning to be ambidextrous or maybe it's just learning to be patient.  I've spilled a few things and dropped more than a few. I sometimes eat salad with my fingers. Soup requires concentration but I eat slower and that is a good thing. I can do an entire crossword puzzle with my right hand meticulously filling in the letters; it takes longer but I enjoy the process more. I can't do a ponytail with one hand, but that's okay. And here's a few free hints: a battery operated toothbrush is nice and makes that task easier. Also, if you are ever anticipating needing to use your non-dominant arm/shoulder/hand for toileting needs, practice ahead of time. It'll make your life easier when you have to do it. 'Nuff said. 






8.) Feeling faint happens even to those strongest. The dressing on my shoulder was allowed to come off 48 hours after surgery. Sunday morning arrived and I was ready. I sat on the couch in the quiet early morning hours, took the sling off and began working the tape loose. When I lifted the dressing and saw dried blood and stitches, my ears began to ring and the living room got really hot. "Adrienne...Adrienne....are you awake? I don't feel so good. Can you open the window and get me a cold washcloth?" Adrienne jumped up from a sound sleep and did my bidding. Whew. Fainting averted. But then I wanted her to continue to take the dressing off. She complied and did quite well. Until I moved my arm just a little. She let out a little groan. "I don't feel so good. I'm seeing black spots" I instructed her to go lie down on the other couch and she did. I called Heather on her phone and asked her to come downstairs. She did and she was the best nurse of all. Oh, another piece of advice. Before surgery, it isn't always a good idea to watch the same surgery on YouTube. Ahem.

9.) Prayer really makes a difference. Okay, I may have saved the best for last. I was nervous and yeah, a little scared going into surgery. What if I reacted badly to anesthesia? I don't like to feel out of control or to feel vulnerable and anesthesia makes me feel both of these things. I wasn't sure how six weeks in a sling would be (again, vulnerable) or how I would tolerate it. I decided to put it out there on Facebook, on my church page, my family page, and in general. I was overwhelmed by the response and the prayers that went up on my behalf. I know without a doubt that the calm I felt on March 31 was the result of those prayers. It was a peace that truly passed any understanding. These first weeks, and especially the first week, have been emotional for me and I have cried a lot. Not all sad tears, just overwhelming emotions that have to come out. I know people have prayed and even now, typing this in my right-handed hunt-and-peck, I get teary-eyed. God has put a lot of tears in a bottle for me and I wish I could say weight loss occurs with crying because I would have lost weight. Thank you for praying. It really means the world to me. 

Love, 
Dianne