Beyond a Shadow of A Doubt

Growing up, you just know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Grandmas don't ever think bad thoughts, they are never tempted, and that they are perpetually cheerful. Grandmas wear their hair up in buns and their teeth can be put in a cup to soak at night. Grandmas make oatmeal, wear sensible shoes and never wear anything but a dress or a blouse with a skirt. Gardening comes naturally to grandmas and petunias tend to flourish on the front porch. And don't all grandmas do aerobic exercise to Christian praise music? And I think a "grandma prerequisite" is to have store bought duplex cookies that often find their way into barrel-shaped cookie jars. And somehow, this cookie jar can't ever be snuck into without her hearing.

At least, that's how it always was with my Grandma. Or so I thought.

Sometime ago,  I had the privilege and joy of being able to  help my aunts with caring for some of Grandma's needs; things to make her life a little easier and to allow her be at home for as long as she was able to. Now, I am not one to just stop in and visit. I find the conversation somehow awkward and I tend to avoid it altogether. But to pop in and help her get dressed, comb her hair, make some coffee and a "Grandma Special" (One scrambled egg with buttered/horse-radished toast, 3 slices of bacon, cranberry juice and coffee with 2 or 3 cookies)? That, I could do. And somehow, conversation was easy.

As I combed her very silvery white hair that has this one section that always tangled, we discussed my children and then we discussed her children as youngsters and the tangles they might have gotten into. I gained wisdom about discipline and that yes, my dad is indeed a little ornery.

As I cooked breakfast, we talked about my career as a nurse and she never discouraged me, but believed in me. We talked about old dishes, childhood memories (both hers and mine), shiny green dresses, cows, farming, and husbands.

As she ate breakfast and I wrote in the "communication notebook", she listened as I shared frustrations, joys, fears, and hopes. We shared life, a lot of life. I appreciate how she always listened to me, let me unload whatever I was carrying, and just listened. Then she would talk, and I'd listen, and I didn't care if I'd already heard the same story before because I loved hearing her tell it.

I learned that my grandma, who I'd always imagined and saw as calm and serene with a hymn playing in her head all the time, was actually quite spunky and vivacious (and yes, she probably did have a hymn playing in her head, or maybe a Lawrence Welk Polka tune)! I was starting to see that she had  had a lifetime of learning to tame her tongue, work on her attitude, and extend a lot of grace! This petite woman had some snap, crackle and pop and I began to see how much alike we were. Oh, I had a lot to learn from her about all of the fruits of the Spirit. She had learned how to cultivate love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I knew she was a good gardener, but I had no idea!

Looking back, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Grandma was every bit as human as anyone. She struggled with life sometimes, but she also learned to lean on her God who sustained her. That is what I learned from her. I also learned that it is very okay to have some "snap, crackle and pop" but I also need to not to let it take over my every emotion but instead, to work on harvesting the fruit.

Looking ahead, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will see Grandma in Heaven when I
get there too. She slipped over to the other side yesterday afternoon. One more breath on this side and then she was in eternity. Just like that. It was what she had waited for her whole life and I am sure the Homecoming was sweet.

Grandma, when I'd leave the house, I'd say, "See ya later; I'll lock the door on my way out." This time though I'll leave with just this, "I'll see you and Grandpa later. Thank you for showing me the way."

Love,
Dianne

Following the Shepherd into 2016

The first day of 2016 makes me reflect back on 2015. It's hard to sum up in a few paragraphs what the past 365 days held and I am not even going to try to capture the highs and lows in great detail. For me, it is more of a journal entry so I can look back in 2017, 2027 and maybe even 2067 and remember a little of 2015.  I didn't do Christmas cards this year or a Christmas letter and my blogging all year has been hit-and-miss so if I don't sum it up now, the memories will dim, fade and curl up at the edges.

Last January 1st, my oldest girl was getting ready to jump into her last semester at college, my son and his wife were continuing to settle into married life and my middle girl was soon to be headed back to Ohio for Winter term at Rosedale Bible College. My baby girl was anticipating getting her driver's license and my baby boy was just starting his first musical theatre workshop class. I was working for a home-based pediatric nursing agency along with another home-based nursing job on the side. Leo was working on building the beef herd while still working at Pillar Innovations.

Then I think life sped up. Like in a movie where everything was going along at a regular pace and then someone hits the fast-forward button and in the jerky movements accompanied by high-pitched squeaky voices we find ourselves in another year. 

I have a new job and instead of working in other people's homes, I am blessed to be able to work in my local community, primarily out of my home. Leo had eight baby calves this past week and our herd has grown in leaps and bounds in 365 days. When I think back to the time, about 10 years ago, that he brought home four beef calves, I never dreamt they would grow to a herd like I see out my window today. 

My kids? Adrienne is loading her car this evening and she moves tomorrow to a new city, a new job and I couldn't be more proud. This girl has worked so hard! I kind of wish I was in preschool and she could read me a story. 

Taken by Higher Focus Studios

Aaron and Lisa-Anna celebrated two years of marriage this past September and I think they still have the newlywed thing going on. I love their thoughtfulness about the future and their intentional planning as they keep God in the center of what their future holds. 

Amy is on the other side of the world. Literally. She's already celebrated New Year's Day and is on January 2nd. She survived Rosedale and came home vibrant and alive for God! She worked hard all summer and in August left for Columbus for a few months of intense training  before flying over the North Pole to Thailand. I am very thankful for social media as it allows us to keep connected. If you see a brightness coming from that part of the world, it may just be her shining her light and not hiding it under a bushel. 

Heather turned 16 and did not pass her driver's permit test the first time. To have to be the one to take her and then have that horribly sad drive home was definitely not on my parenting to-do list. But she did pass the second time and now, since November, has her official driver's license. Most of the time I am okay seeing her drive out the driveway alone, but sometimes I want her to be 6 again, not 16. 

Ryan loved the first session of Mountain City Center for the Arts and performing with his troupe in the Spring. Then, this fall he enrolled again and his solo line of two words: "Beautiful food......" was the best part of the performance for his mama. He turned 12 this year and I have heard the words "preteen" come out of his mouth a few times. Nope. Not happening. But maybe, just maybe it's just because he is enrolled back in the Preteen Musical Theater Workshop for Spring 2016. 

Oh, who am i kidding? My baby will be a teenager in 2016. This life that I live just has a way of happening despite what I do. And I've been reminded this year, not just in my life, but in the lives of others, that nothing we do or expect is set in stone. Life can take a detour or make a sudden stop or even pull ahead full throttle before I am ready. 

What can I be secure in? I know that God loves me. Period. A chapter in the Bible that speaks to me today is John 10. Jesus is the Shepherd and I am one of his sheep. Verse 4 strikes a chord because it says that "...he goes on ahead of them (sheep)...."  I don't know where 2016 will take me, but I do know that He goes ahead of me. I won't pretend that I know exactly what that means but I will take it as a promise. I like what Amy posted back in September: 

Amy Maust

September 4, 2015 · 

New beginnings. New friendships. New perspectives. New cultures. New challenges. New love. I never had any intentions of stretching myself this way, this soon... but God is well-known for throwing surprises at me in my life. And I can't tell you how thankful I am for that. I don't know what to expect in this next year, but I know that God is going to walk with me through all of the highs and lows and I can move forward confidently in that.

Love, 

Dianne