Being A Mama

There are days that being a mama is so easy and wonderful,

...like when it's early in the morning and your 11 year old wants to snuggle for a little while, even if it is just for a minute, before school. And they do it just because.

...and then there are those moments when someone needs prayer because an 8-inch thick portfolio that is basically someone's college life in a binder is due and needs to be presented the next day within a thirty-minute time frame and needs to be acceptable to graduate and the family prayers together while standing in the kitchen.

...or when your oldest daughter has worked her tail off and you see the joy on her face when what she has been striving for is within her grasp. (Yes, she PASSED!!!)

...like getting a text or phone call from your college chick who is in another state and she says she is looking forward to coming home for a while.

...or when your family gathers on a Sunday evening for a campfire and a walk in the pasture to say "Hey" to all the cows.

...and then there are those moments of crazy laughter together over things like double chins and turkey necks, fuzzy pink pajamas that shed fuzzy pink balls on everything, skirts taking flight on windy days in parking lots, and random donkey calls.

There are days that being a mama is not so easy and wonderful,

...like when your littlest has another headache and you wind up sleeping on the floor so he can have the couch and when you put a cool cloth on his forehead and give him a bucket "just in case" and you worry more than you'd like to admit.

...or when one of them has studied for a test and misses passing it by one lousy question and she has to wait a little while longer for her driver's permit and she feels stupid and the tears just won't stop coming and no matter what you try to say, it just can't make it feel better at that moment.

... and those days when you look back at all the field trips, concerts, ball games and recitals that you've missed because of a career and while it was sometimes necessary to work, it doesn't always take away the guilt that you feel.

...or the times that my kids have needed me and instead of serving with a glad heart, I have sighed audibly and made them feel less than important.

Being a mom is one of the greatest joys of my life; sometimes though, it brings pain because I love so deeply. Would I go back and change how I have done things? Make different choices? Yes. I think most of us would. Sometimes we wish we could go back and change the day before. But, since I can't, what I can do is embrace being a mama, at this stage, at this juncture of my life. I am reminded today that being a mama isn't just when they are newborns or toddlers. They don't just need you when they are in the preschool years or elementary school. Whether or not they admit it, a parent is important when they are teenagers and even when they are into adulthood. Hey, I still need my mama!

(And in case you might've forgotten, Mother's Day is this Sunday May 10th. Let your mama know that you love her!)

(To my children: This is not a hint or anything.
By the way, I love dogwood trees. And rose bushes.)

Love,
Dianne

My Saviour's Love

I sat in church today and as I looked around I saw faces.
Faces that radiated joy.
Faces that were calm, feeling peace.
Faces that were edged with fatigue.
Faces lined with physical pain.
Faces that reflected the hurting heart that no one could see.

We were all under one roof, worshipping God in a variety of ways:
~watching the little ones as they sang about building their house upon the Rock,
~putting money into an offering basket for Nepal to help with providing basic needs,
~listening to the Word of God as Pastor Joe taught from the book of Revelation,
~participating in Communion as we shared the symbolic broken bread and poured-out wine,
~singing Jesus Loves Me and realizing it is not just a children's song.

All of this was good, very good. And then we sang a song about My Savior's Love and my heart swelled with emotion and my voice broke as i sang the words, overwhelmed with what those words were saying.

1. I stand amazed in the presence
   Of Jesus the Nazarene,
   And wonder how He could love me,
   A sinner, condemned, unclean.
   • Refrain:
     How marvelous! How wonderful!
     And my song shall ever be:
     How marvelous! How wonderful!
     Is my Savior’s love for me!
2. For me it was in the garden
   He prayed: “Not My will, but Thine.”
   He had no tears for His own griefs,
   But sweat drops of blood for mine.
3. In pity angels beheld Him,
   And came from the world of light
   To comfort Him in the sorrows
   He bore for my soul that night.
4. He took my sins and my sorrows,
   He made them His very own;
   He bore the burden to Calv’ry,
   And suffered and died alone.
5. When with the ransomed in glory
   His face I at last shall see,
   ’Twill be my joy through the ages
   To sing of His love for me.

~Charles H. Gabriel, 1905~

How can I not be amazed at the love that my God has for me? A sinner, condemned, unclean?

Ephesians 3:16-21, NIV I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Love,
Dianne

Off-Key Crowing (Not to be confused with Off-Shore Rowing)

Hello Old Friend, it has been awhile. The last time I visited was February and it was snowing and cold. Today though, the sky is crayon-colored and definitely Sky Blue. While I can't exactly say it is warm warm, I am sitting in a favorite spot on the front porch without a jacket. The rooster is nearby and I am hearing his periodic off-key yet proud crows which proclaim that he is quite happy about the day.

I really think I could learn some lessons from that rooster. You know, like when I awaken in the morning, I need to rise from my tangled nest of covers and proclaim in an audible voice, "Today is a good day to be alive! Now, go forth and live!"

Lately, I've been more of a mindset to stay under the covers, burrowing deeper and not wanting to deal with whatever comes my way. I am overwhelmed by phone calls, appointments to make, appointments to keep, the to-do list that has become so long that I don't even want to start it, and taxes that were due and too much paperwork to retrieve out of thin air because of my foolishness in not backing it up and losing 1 1/2 years of work. My hair was starting to stay in a permanent stand-on-end position because I keep running my fingers through it and pulling up in frustration. I have been feeling nauseous on and off most days and the knot in the pit of my stomach just seemed to never want to go away.

I don't handle stress very well. Sometimes it is better than other times, but lately, no.

I need to go back to the basics and at the very core of it is God. When I let life take over, I let my time with God fall to the back burner and I am ashamed at how easily I let that happen. My daughter, Amy, and I were texting one evening and I admitted to her how I have been falling (and sometimes pulling) away from God. She told me to get back into the Word. I listened and I asked her to keep me accountable. Send me a text every now and then and just ask "Did you read today?" or "What did you read?".

While I have begun to get back into the Word of God, I can't say that all the stress just dissipated. In some ways, I feel it more. There is a battle going on and I need to hang on to the One who created me, who loves me even when I lose my focus, mess up, and fall down again and again.

So, I sit on my porch and I think I'm going to give it a name. I learned that my Great Grandma had a little room situated off the back of her garage that she called "The Elijah Room" and this was where she studied and read the Bible. I want to look into why she called it the Elijah Room but for now, that's what I'm calling my porch. It'll be my Elijah Room, my room (when the weather is warm) to study, reflect, renew and de-stress. And to prepare for battle.

Today, what did I read? I read in Exodus 4:10-11 where Moses was talking to God and he was telling God why he was not suited for the job God was calling him to do. God pretty much said, "Hey, Moses, who created you? Did I not make you to be the way you are? And I am not calling you for this purpose? Get your head out from under those covers, go forth and live."

Yes, I paraphrased and took a little liberty with that, but there you have it. When I am nervous, tense and anxious and feel like my role, my tasks are too big, too hard and much too much, I am not only underestimating myself, I am underestimating God. He believes in me and I have to trust that He knows what He is doing.

I may need a reminder now and then, so when you see me, just ask how I greeted my morning. Was it with an off-key, yet ready-to-face-the-day crow or with silent grumbling.

Cock-A-Doodle-Doooooooooo,
Dianne

P.S. It is good to be back.