Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Just Another Day at the Dentist


I wish I could feel my face. I really do. Smiling is a challenge, drinking is an impossibility, eating may prove quite unsuccessful. Four and one-half hours. It's been 4 1/2 hours and the numbness is finally wearing away. I may even be able to blink normally now. I am not completely sure of this because I don't want to look in the mirror at my crooked grin and see the bloody saliva.

Sorry, I know. That was gross. Very gross. Yet an unavoidable happenstance after a visit to the dentist. A lengthy visit as it turns out.

I've know for a few weeks that this day was inevitable. Flossing is boring but I am feeling the necessity of it at the moment. I may be turning over a new leaf, once I can feel my face again that is.

Getting a filling isn't too bad really, in comparison to say, getting a tooth pulled. Yeah, that's right, getting a tooth pulled. My other option was a root canal and I decided that since the offending tooth was in the top, way in the back where I don't think I even chew, pulling it was the better choice. Cheaper too in case you were wondering. I wondered how today would go but I didn't really worry about it which rather surprised me. I was fine until I got there and was seated in the chair, a pink bib clipped around my neck. Then anxiety began to creep in, making my jaw quiver at the most inopportune times and making my hands ice-cold.

I tried to relax. I folded my hands neatly together across my lap hoping it didn't look too much like I was posing for my own funeral. (Yes, I really thought that.) I took a deep breath and tried to focus on the movie playing just for me on the ceiling. Mr Smith goes to Washington. I love Jimmy Stewart but it is a little hard to feel patriotic when there are wire thingies screwed on your teeth and sticking out of your mouth and you can't feel your lips to know if they look normal or if they are dry and tucked inward in an awkward fashion, not to mention that whenever you look up at the screen you are also looking up at the dentist and you kinda have to ignore that weird closeness as his hands are in your mouth and he is peering to see what's going on.

Relax. Humph.

Everything was moving along nicely, other than the feeling of water droplets in my throat that I wanted to swallow but couldn't. Ever try swallowing with your mouth gaping open? I am not saying it is impossible, but well, you try. I began to enjoy the movie, almost laughing when Mr. Smith jumps up in the Senate with a very loud outburst of "MR. PRESIDENT", but I knew, I knew what was coming. Dr. Williams was saving the worst for last. And then, he paused the movie and asked if it was okay if he prayed before extracting the tooth.

I said, "Yes." Inside I was saying, "yes, yes, yes, pray, pray, pray!!!!" to the beat of my wildly pounding heart. (Besides that though, think about it, a dentist that prays with you…wow.)

I'll not go into detail about how it's done, but I will say that I did always wonder how it was done. I thought about the old days and how they offered the victim some strong whiskey. I considered asking for some but I figured as numb as my lips and cheeks were that it would all either just run out or I would choke. I will say that it takes a lot of tugging and pulling and when you hear it, ugh.

After it was done, Dr. Williams said that I was a trooper and I did really well and that for an extraction, "it was one of the tougher ones". Nice to know my teeth are so firmly rooted I suppose. After patting myself on the back for doing so well, I sat up.

And nearly fainted.

I felt just a little hot, then a whole lot hot and the ringing I heard was not from the movie. I was promptly told to lie back down and there I stayed until Leo came to pick me up. Whoever says nurses are tough never met this one. I may have looked the shade the notebook paper with a tinge of green.

And now I sit here, propped up in my bed watching Road To Avonlea. As I finally finish writing this, my stomach is growling but I am a little afraid to eat, mashed potatoes or not. I had Adrienne bring me an ice-pack and I think maybe I like the numbness better.

Oh, and if you've ever seen the end of Mr. Smith goes to Washington, don't tell me. I never got to finish it. Maybe I'll save it for the next time I go to the dentist.

In 53 years.

Love, Dianne








Sunday, August 17, 2014

Transitions

Transition: (a noun)
a :  passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another :  change
b :  a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another
Transition: (an intransitive verb)
: to make a change from one state, place, or condition to another : to make a transition

Transition. It's been on my mind lately. Sometimes these changes are easy, smooth and anticipated like the feeling at the end of the day when one changes from work clothes into a comfy pair of pajamas. Or like when you move from dinner to dessert. Easy, smooth and anticipated.

Other transitions hit a few bumps in the road and sometimes even a detour or two. If you've ever given birth, or been with someone in the throes of labor, you quickly realize that the little part the takes you from 7 cm to 10 cm and "complete" is, for most women, quite excruciating. In fact, it has even earned it's own name: "transition", and while painful, relentless and exhausting, it is also necessary. This transition phase take a mother-to-be from Point A to Point B(aby). (Yes, I know there is also that pushing bit that has to happen too, but I'll spare you the details.)

(You're welcome.)

Some transitions are gradual and almost not even noticed; they may even take years. Take the aging process for example. I was 26 years old just yesterday and now, let's just suffice it to say that I am not. Or the passage from seed to bud to bloom; it is gradual but oh, so worth the wait.

Transitions. Why even mention them at all? I mean, we all have them and we always will in some form or another. I told you that change has been on my mind lately and for good reason. This past week was my last full-time week as a nurse in the Regional Intensive Care Nursery or RICN. When I started there I had no idea what "RICN" even stood for and now it has played a tremendous part in shaping me into the nurse I am today. Friday morning, as I walked down the hallway, I turned and this is what I saw:
 Ten years ago, I was walking up the same hallway, I saw the exact same view and I was nervous, scared, happy and excited. Today I feel the same way as I leave this place, not for the last time as I am still employed per diem, but certainly for the last time as a full-time RN. Instead of three times a week, it may only be three times a month. I am moving forward to a different kind of nursing and I am nervous, scared, happy and excited. My transition is taking me from the hospital to the home, from neonatal to pediatric, from a much-to-long drive to a much-nicer-one and from nightshift to dayshift. Actually, a lot of transitions all rolled up into the big one.

Will it be easy? Painful? Smooth? Full of bumps in the road? I don't know for sure yet, but I am willing to take a step forward, then another and another and another down the hall, through the door and onto the next scene in this movie we call life.

As I go, if you think of me in your day or when you are awake at night, say a prayer. I'd appreciate it. My prayer, and the one thing I take with me no matter where the road may lead is this:

Lord, show me how and let me be a blessing, to my coworkers, to the families, to my patients. Help me to keep it together when I want to fall apart. And Lord, I'd appreciate no flights in the helicopter tonight. (Hey, it can't hurt to ask!)  Amen. 

I may need to change the last part up a bit. That's one change I can't really say I'll miss too much.

Love,
Dianne

“20 years from now you will be disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the one’s you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” -Mark Twain